~ Something Beautiful is Going To Come ~

The hangover has me in its teeth once again
An ant infestation leaves little bites on my stomach
I watch another random woman leave
Another transient lover lost to time and space
As the mosquitoes now circle above
And the air conditioning doesn’t work
The sweat pours down my forehead
And the construction workers grind away outside.

This is what they call suffering, I guess
This time in a cheap hotel somewhere in Vietnam
The rain has been pouring down for two weeks now
I spend the day staring at walls; drinking water desperately
Until a break in the rain allows me to finally go get some food
But then the heavy rain returns and I sit under an umbrella
Listening to it pounding, the little droplets leaking through
Dampening the remnants of my dinner.

After two hours, I realise it isn’t going to stop
So I grab my bike and cycle home in the storm
Wading through dark streets without a light
As angry cars splash puddles upon me
And the rats scurry into dark corners
And my sandals slip off the pedals
Before I finally return to my lair.

I don’t know how I ended up here
Age thirty-four, dwelling in this foreign place
Without purpose or passion; at the mercy of life’s pests
The ants, the mosquitoes, the cockroaches, the rats
They have found me and closed in
They know a dying creature when they see one
And they wait to feast on my flesh.

But I am still alive for now
And I walk into the bathroom once more
Staring at my wrinkled, tired face
In this dirty, mouldy, broken mirror
Those eyes without energy or excitement
That tell the story of a defeated man
Who couldn’t quite find his way
In life’s savage wilderness.

I guess I am just another ugly soul stuck in an ugly place
But I stare into those tired eyes and believe
That someday, soon, something beautiful is going to come.

I hold onto that hope as the rain pounds down on the roof
And hear the workers still grinding away
Even though I know they are no longer there
It’s all around me; against the walls of my rattled skull
In the vessels of my heart; in the chamber of my delapidated soul.

But still, I stare into that gory reflection
And believe that someday, soon, something beautiful is going to come
Knowing I am not the only man nor the last to stand in such a spot
Where life feels vacant, and it truly feels like the end of the line
But something within stops him from stepping into the abyss
The enduring illusion of hope; the lightbulb still flickering.

And tonight I stand alone with the lost and the loveless
With the ones that sit around dwindling fires in dark places
Who are stuck in the sewers and swamps
Trying to summon some strength
To shake themselves free from the sludge
To rise up into the light once more
And let that illusion not be an illusion
But a beautiful truth that saves one from total destruction
The beautiful truth that allows me to collapse into this bed
Looking up at the mosquitoes still circling above
Feeling the bites on my skin; the anxiety in my blood
And fall asleep dreaming, still dreaming
That someday, soon, something beautiful
Is going to come.