Tag: life

poetry

~ Right Where I Belong ~

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~ Right Where I Belong ~

Smelling the grass and the flowers
Lying in this field of contentment
There is no rush to be anywhere 
I’m happy to just lie down
And let this life wash over me.

Other things I could be doing
Productive things, they like to say
Well, it all comes back to this anyway
The purpose of being will always be here
As everyone runs toward some illusionary goal.

To be miserable in a mansion
To be depressed with diamonds
To be sick with success
And lonely in the crowd

It’s clear to me that where life is
Is nowhere else but nature
And this joy is found
At the root source
Of everything worth doing.

I grew from the dirt of this earth
Like a flower of circumstance
And it is when I am surrounded
By all of this beauty
That I finally feel in touch
With my true essence

Let my dreams burst
And my thoughts bloom
And my happiness blossom
And please, do not think of me as lost

Like the lone eagle in the sky,

I am right where I belong.

poetry

~ No Sale ~

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~ No Sale ~

My books don’t sell much
But that’s okay
It still makes me feel good
Just to spit out some sentences
That come from some strange space inside
Where sunlight can’t survive.

It’s a world run by money
And what is a man to do when
His passion doesn’t translate to a job role.

“Do what you’re passionate about,
And you’ll never work a day in your life.”

Oh yes, we’ve all heard it before
The ignorant sentence that means nothing
To poets and people who can’t fit into
The positions of conventionality.

I consider my other options outside of creative writing:
There are things like copywriting and journalism
Where you write about stuff you’re not interested in
As you slowly lose your passion and energy
For writing your own stuff.

It’s a slightly annoying situation, I must say.

I was only given this one talent
I’m an introverted daydreamer
With no practical or pragmatic skills
I’m living with some form of undiagnosed condition:
Possibly ADD, autism, or dyspraxia
Or all of them together.

It’s not the best set of cards to have, admittedly.

“But you’re intelligent,” they say,
Totally unaware that being intelligent
And being compatible with a certain system of society
Are two completely different things.

Oh well, for there to be insiders,
There need to be outsiders.
It’s a universal law; one which I keep in check
As I wander this wilderness
With my unread words.

No point at this stage in trying to fit in
And do something different
No point at this stage in trying to be normal
And fail once again.

Time for me to accept who I am.

Let me sink into my groove of eccentricity
Let me drink the beers and scribble on stained pages
Watching the world go by from the window of a bar
On a Monday afternoon.

This is my space;
As the successful men of the world stare at me
And continue in their sane lives
Going to and from their workplaces
Their wives and their children.

I face down to the page once more
The pen knows it’s time to paint words
And let all the stuff that stirs inside of me
Show its strange face to the world.

It knows it’s time to let the world know
That there’s one more madman
Who believes he has some art within him
Another daft, deluded daydreamer
Who thinks that following his own voice
And doing his own thing
Can somehow bring anything
Other than madness, loneliness
And, most probably,
An early death.

poetry

~ Inner Song ~

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~ Inner Song ~

Something in my spirit sings
Though the days get dark
And the path gets twisted
Something inside of me
Sings ever so softly.

On those manic days
When the world seems to stand against you
And faces of hatred glare at you
And the demons encircle you
There is this something
That I have always felt
Harmonising within.

It’s kinda like a defiant laugh
A secret strength from somewhere
Sourced from some unspeakable knowledge
That is the result of all my years
Of overcoming struggles
Which did not break me.

Something in my spirit sings
As thunder rumbles around me.

Something in my spirit sings
As the lightning strikes the roof.

Something in my spirit sings
As the rain comes flooding in.

Defeat, destruction, 
Asteroids crashing down
Tsunamis pounding my shores
None shall stop my song.

Even in death,
Hear my melody play on.
The sound of a universal spirit
That can never
Be silenced.

poetry

~ Everything Is Going To Be Alright ~

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~ Everything Is Going To Be Alright ~

In my arms, I hold you
And feel the fire of all the stars
Burning in my heart
And igniting my soul

This universe has created great things:
Exploding nebulas, oceanic planets
The rings of Saturn
Glittering galaxies

And it also created you.

It created something as perfect
And precious
As you.

The way you feel in my arms
Your body beating and breathing
Is like the whole thing doing its magic
An entire universe that came into being
For the existence of you.

It could never have been any other way
It was always meant to happen
And as your eyes look up into mine
As your cheeks glow as you smile
I become a believer
Of something I can only feel
But not explain.

Everything is going to be alright.

poetry

~ Lost in Action ~

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~ Lost In Action ~

You wake up and don’t feel the need to tidy your bed
Your room is unclean like the mess in your head
And you’re standing in showers and staring at walls
Feet stuck to the ground as you stutter and stall
And you’re searching your soul for something not there
A quiet sadness inside as you stand and you stare
Something isn’t right but you can’t quite say
When you’re living your life in this peculiar way.

And you walk down the street and stare at the faces
Searching for others who aren’t quite at the races
You look into their eyes as you stand in the rain
Wondering if anyone else is feeling your pain
You’re in a city of people but feel all alone
With feelings of emptiness filling your bones
But no one can see and you’re looking just fine
Drifting through life and wasting your time.

And you enter your work and sit at your desk
Reporting for duty just like the rest
You shift in your seat and stare at a screen
Feeling inside like you just want to scream
Then you start dreaming of living a different way
You start searching again for the words you can say
But your mind is numb and your soul is sedated
As you slowly become all that you hated.

And on the way home you do all your chores
You workout at the gym and stop in the stores
You search the shelves of that supermarket aisle
Getting the same things you have for a while
Then head on home to stare at the next screen
Sitting on that sofa still wanting to scream
Reaching for the bottle to forget about tomorrow
Filling the hole and drowning your sorrow.

One day you decide something has to change
You can’t keep feeling this sick and this strange
Life is to be lived and it’s time to begin
To claim back the beauty and spirit within
You try to think of what can be done
Of what it was that once made life fun
But you can’t find the magic that once lingered inside
And you’ve forgotten what it was that made you alive.

Then you’re back to the feeling of being sedated
Back to the feeling of becoming all that you hated
Where life is grey and you’ve lost all purpose
Going through the motions of this lousy old circus
So you retreat to your bed to stare at the ceiling
Trying to make sense of all that you’re feeling
That terrible feeling inside that cuts like a knife
The sadness of the unlived, meaningless life.

poetry

~ My Ambition ~

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~ My Ambition ~

I don’t want to be revered
Or admired
Or respected
Or even accepted.

Any man who finds his happiness
In the opinions of others
Is no man to me.

I simply want to be happy with the person
That I see in the mirror.

I want to wake up every day
And live a life that is in tune
With the gentle voice
That I hear in my heart.

I want to write poetry
And walk in the woods
And for my words and actions
To be that of the higher energy
Which flows through everything.

I want to feel my mind as clear
As the air and the water
While feeling no distance
Between me and the stars.

I want to know what this life is
To be fully alive and awake
My eyes seeing what’s before me
Without any mental distortion.

There is no time to take notice
Of the noise of society
When nature is here
To tell me the truth.

That nature is my god
And my ambition
Is to live in alignment with it.

To be as pure as a sunset
As free-flowing as a river
As true as a lightning bolt
And just be ‘myself’

Whatever the hell

That really is.

thoughts

~ The Victory of Myself ~

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~ The Victory of Myself ~

“It would be fair to say that much of my life was a war. ‘Growing pains’ was perhaps putting it too mildly. I spent many years staggering through the battlefields of tempestuous experience. I grappled with my demons, crawled through the swamps of depression, and was shaken by anger and self-hatred. It took many years but one day a ceasefire was finally called. The bloodshed stopped as peace fell over me. Still in the moment, I felt myself let out a cathartic gasp of breath. A clarity filled my mind as I looked back at the past versions of myself. I saw myself teary-eyed at twenty-two, alone and heartbroken in foreign lands. I saw myself collapsing in a field at twenty-five and wanting the ground to swallow me whole. I saw myself consumed with despair and self-pity at the age of twenty-eight. I saw all these wounded versions of myself and wanted to let them know that they would eventually make it through and be okay. Time was going to do its thing and straighten everything out. It was even going to enrich and enlighten. For to stand here now and know that I still have this precious life force still beating within me – like a baby found among the rubble, or a flower growing on a bloody battlefield – tells me there is some divine, everlasting strength within my flesh and bones. And to now wake up each day and feel the light run through my veins and the smiles form on my face – it’s enough to allow me to finally see life for the beautiful thing it is. It is not something you marched or battled through, but rather something to be cherished and enjoyed. There is no great conflict anymore and I’m happy just being myself and living my life while knowing a victory as great as one could possibly know: the victory of myself.”

poetry

~ Thawing Out ~

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~ Thawing Out ~

My bones like bare branches
Shake and shiver in the wind
That runs through my body

This internal winter is howling
As the wolves encircle me
As the frost forms upon my leaves
As mountainous horizons surround me

It seems like spring isn’t coming
Maybe it doesn’t happen anymore

To go on and endure
Is now all that I can do
Searching for some warmth in the wilderness
To sustain this soul

Oh, what this life can do to a person
To leave them wandering in a space
Where the kindest eyes can’t see
And loving words not reach.

I’m not dead
But I’m stuck somewhere
Where the moonlight doesn’t inspire me
Where music doesn’t resonate
And even this poetry
Doesn’t do much anymore.

There is nothing to do but wait
And look for signs of life
Some sunlight coming forth
From the clouds of discontent
To burst the buds from my branches
And thaw out my frozen spirit
That sits waiting for the touch 
Of something it has almost
Forgotten.

thoughts

~ Ragged Beings ~

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~ Ragged Beings ~

“You fell asleep in my arms last night and I allowed myself to dream. In my tired mind drifted ideas of a life of peace and comfort. Of love and reason. It was all there within touching distance. I have wandered long in the wilderness and my soul is full of strange things. I am not sure such things should be carried into your life. I have a mind full of madness and a heart ravaged by the thorns. I’m a wounded creature and I felt like some sort of stray animal in the warmth of your embrace, tasting those kisses that perhaps even heal me slightly from all I’ve known and faced. I think you too have known turbulence and trouble, but perhaps not on the same level. I do not know whether I am right for you, or anyone at this point, but there is undeniable beauty and a feeling of joy in that bed as dawn comes. The sunlight comes through the window as I watch you smiling with your eyes still closed. Your dog lays beside the bed looking at me. His eyes share a knowing look. What am I and he but two ragged beings taken in by the love of a woman, wrapped up in the covers of companionship, searching for some shelter from the unrelenting storm of this crazy life.”

thoughts

~ Simple Joy ~

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~ Simple Joy ~

“I can’t force it. And I won’t force it. If it takes me ten years to write my next book, then so be it. All the effort of trying has escaped me. I’m happy – happy to let the streams flow and the clouds drift and buds blossom at their own pace. I’ve reached a point of total contentment with the natural course of things. All the nagging voices of teachers and parents have long but left my mind. I never cared for jumping through their hoops and I’m happy to have found inner peace at a relatively young age. I’m happy to sit and meditate; to write a couple of poems a week; to run the same track along the river continuously. I understand that I may not be seen as ambitious, but that’s okay. I believe there is a rare joy in my heart that will never be experienced by those millionaires who sit in mansions counting their money. Oh, what a thing it is to realise you are the maker of your own happiness; that life is simple and not complicated at all. It’s certainly saved me a lot of trouble and toil. It may have even saved my life. And now this life has been saved, I intend to live it totally in line with my inner flow. Right now that inner flow tells me to stop writing these words. It tells me to look up from my laptop and outside my bedroom window. The sun is setting and its last rays of light are beaming through the trees. The birds sing their song as they hop from branch to branch. Excuse me, I’ve got something I need to see. Excuse me, I’ve got some happiness to feel.”