Nope; I’m not going to force it And pretend I’m feeling something I’m not I’m just gonna talk about what I see, before me:
It’s a late-spring evening outside my window The blossom on the trees has come and gone And now what is left are bright green leaves Waiting for the sunlight of the summer months.
They wait as they sway back and forth in the wind And I, too, feel the breath of the world in my lungs As my elbows rest on the hard wood of my table While writing down these words one by one.
What is coming tomorrow? I really don’t know I have no plans, no job, Nothing much going on at all.
I’m currently living on government benefit Going on long walks along the river Searching supermarkets for reduced food And browsing the internet for hours a day
I do have a job to go back to next month But for now it’s just the job of existing Breathing the air, eating the food Falling asleep for eight hours every night
It’s a job I’m at least competent at And look, I even find other ways to exist: Such as writing poems And philosophising As I stare out of windows Watching my life breeze by With no particular meaning.
Some days I dream about solitude About becoming some sort of hermit Residing in a cave of my own making Meditating for hours each day Living off the bare essentials Exploring my inner world.
Some days I dream about going away To a place where sanity is banished And all the logic and reason of the world Is permanently banned.
Some days I dream about holding on To my character and soul And not letting this world rearrange me Just to see how I turn out: A madman or a poet.
Many men dream of taking chances And perhaps there is no greater risk Than following your own inner voice When it tells you to leave the farm Of regulated normality.
A part of me yearns to leap Into the untamed wilderness But reality stares at me menacingly Snapping its teeth and licking its lips Daring me to venture out beyond the fences.
Thoughts of starvation hound me again So I guess I’ll just keep on doing what I can Finding my way on this safe farm Earning money, paying bills Sitting on sofas and staring into space The days disappearing As these daft daydreamer delusions Drift on through my mind.
Too often you go through life on autopilot Not even realising that you aren’t awake And alert to the beauty around you.
Then one day something shakes you It isn’t some great epiphany of light Rather it’s usually something simple Be it the sight of a bird resting on a branch A crescent moon resting over a city skyline Rain droplets running down the window glass Or a small child running with a natural joy That you had long forgotten about.
Maybe it’s a certain song Or a combination of sound and sight Birds tweeting as the sun rises over the hills Setting off a morning chorus in your own soul.
At every moment of life, we are ready to awaken again And see that we are wandering in some work of art And every moment is full of mystery and magic And that things aren’t so bad after all.
As the earth twirls in space As the oxygen fills your lungs As the stars shimmer in the night sky And your heart beats in harmony With the whole of the universe.
In my arms, I hold you And feel the fire of all the stars Burning in my heart And igniting my soul
This universe has created great things: Exploding nebulas, oceanic planets The rings of Saturn Glittering galaxies
And it also created you.
It created something as perfect And precious As you.
The way you feel in my arms Your body beating and breathing Is like the whole thing doing its magic An entire universe that came into being For the existence of you.
It could never have been any other way It was always meant to happen And as your eyes look up into mine As your cheeks glow as you smile I become a believer Of something I can only feel But not explain.
My bones like bare branches Shake and shiver in the wind That runs through my body
This internal winter is howling As the wolves encircle me As the frost forms upon my leaves As mountainous horizons surround me
It seems like spring isn’t coming Maybe it doesn’t happen anymore
To go on and endure Is now all that I can do Searching for some warmth in the wilderness To sustain this soul
Oh, what this life can do to a person To leave them wandering in a space Where the kindest eyes can’t see And loving words not reach.
I’m not dead But I’m stuck somewhere Where the moonlight doesn’t inspire me Where music doesn’t resonate And even this poetry Doesn’t do much anymore.
There is nothing to do but wait And look for signs of life Some sunlight coming forth From the clouds of discontent To burst the buds from my branches And thaw out my frozen spirit That sits waiting for the touch Of something it has almost Forgotten.
Here she is, finally Standing before me Something I only ever dreamt of In some deluded way During times of darkness And defeat.
A quiet humbleness comes over me Like standing before a natural force With a depth and beauty I just can’t understand.
I always felt about the age of thirty I’d stop my rampage And meet the woman Who would finally straighten me out.
Dylan called it ‘shelter from the storm’ And it certainly feels that way As the warmth of her Causes puddles of pain To form at my feet.
In the morning I lie with her in bed Her dog lays beside it His head rested on the carpet Eyes staring up at me With a knowing look of recognition.
I say goodbye, kiss her Walk out into the day And suddenly things are different The little things don’t matter Trivial troubles are nothing.
I smile and say hello to the people I pass I hold the shop door open for the person behind me Everything is okay; Life is not so bad after all.
I know that this feeling probably won’t last But for now, it’s enough To know that a single soul can shine so brightly Like sunlight coming through the forest canopy Breathing life into my world Blooming my flowers Turning me into a dreamer
And if this is just another delusion Then let me stay deluded For my world has never looked so good Now that I know She’s in it.