~ Some Way ~
“At times I wonder how much longer I can linger inside this brain of mine. This burning room, untouched and unseen by those that have laid their eyes on me. I am hidden from view, a prisoner of sorts. Many times I have been overcome by the darkness. I have been down in the sewers with the rats and the madness, crawling on my hands and knees, searching for flickers of light and hope in the shadows. I have been beaten down, almost destroyed, somehow summoning the strength to stand up once more against the deluge of the storm. Yet through all these things, the smile remained on my face. The ‘fine thanks, you?’ came out of my mouth. Those people: they don’t see this secret prison of mine – and yes, for some of them, I don’t see theirs too. This is the absurdity of the human condition. So many of us are walking mysteries of sickness and sadness. So many of us inhabit private prisons that no one else will ever see or know. Out there on those streets I stare into passing eyes and wonder how many are also trying to not be consumed by the darkness. Getting up some days to face the world often takes enormous courage. These are the secret battles we fight again and again. These are the storms we endure in silence and solitude. And now as I sit at this keyboard and the sadness grips me one more time, I guess I’ll keep fighting on the only I know how to. What else, after all, is there to do but to keep on moving. To keep on surviving. Somehow.
~ Western Blues ~
Three nights alone on the booze – I think I’m gonna lose.
I’m a dead man drifting on a back street high.
With not much left to lose but lots more left to prove.
Four nights alone on the internet – my mom thinks I’m an idiot.
I’m a trapped man searching for the answers why.
And with a lack of tv crews you won’t see me on the news
And I’m down on my knees when I’ve been struck by western blues.
~ An Inner Flame ~
“So often it’s in an individual’s deepest, darkest moments where he or she summons the strength to shine the brightest. So if you someone with that fire blazing in their eye, know that it didn’t come easily.
More often than not it burns bright because it has felt the flames of hell.”
~ Drenched in Defeat ~
The world was not what you told me mother
How could you bring me into this pain?
I want to live, and not just be another
broken soul trying to shelter from life’s rain.
Yeah my eyes drip with sadness
and I am soaked to the bone;
lost in the storm of my own madness
destined to drown on my own.
And how could it be you promised me
a life full of happiness and joy?
when the winds of this society
require me to consume and destroy.
How could it be that you told me
the world is sunshine and rainbows?
when the hollow heads attack me
and get their highs from my lows.
How could it be you encouraged me
to chase my dreams and my desires?
when the world is clouded with hatred
and corrupted by users and liars
Yeah you lied to me too mother
And that’s why I stand here now
Drenched in defeat
Shaking like a leaf
Shivering and beat
Losing hope and belief
I guess I will just keep convincing myself
that the good times still haven’t begun
and maybe one day this storm will pass
so my soul can dry out in the sun.
~ No Final Solution ~
The doors have shut and
the people await their fate
in these cities
in these chambers
where we live and die
and fight to survive
amid it all I see
the fearful eyes
the hands clutching together
sometimes in prayer
sometimes in marriage
but always in futility
in this world nothing is certain
but the panic and pain
the decay and death
the crashing and the burning
yet with these brains inside of us
and these hearts that plead for peace
we struggle and seek
a way out – a secret door
that leads to something else
but it cannot be found
and so here I stand also
trapped with everybody
awaiting my fate
in these cities
in these chambers
with my hands
scraping the walls
scraping at this typewriter
trying to find the way out
before this slaughterhouse
does what it does best