Tag: thoughts

poetry

~ In the Land of the Lions ~

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~ In the Land of the Lions ~

I know it’s easy to close up
And build the wall that so many have built
It can stay built for the rest of your life
Holding out the threat of life’s beasts
But remember the other things you are blocking out.

Take down a few of those bricks
If even just to take a peak
It’s a wild world out there
Full of strange and wonderful things
It will all come at you and you may get hurt
You may get lost and scared
But you will be in the place
Where the majesty of life will meet you head on
In that wilderness of love and heartache
Those forests of joy and despair.

That environment is where you will experience it all
The nature that brought you into existence
Don’t close yourself off to it
Don’t let yourself be invulnerable
To life’s great chaos and adventure.

Submit yourself to the forest once more
And let the roots of this life entwine you.

It’s better to have the beauty and the beasts
Than to have nothing at all.

poetry

~ Not for Me ~

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~ Not for Me ~

Where is your soul man
I wonder as I listen to your words
And watch you judging me
Despite not even knowing me
You don’t listen to my reply
As you bark on about yourself
Telling me how great you are
And then shitting on me
Because you make more money
And have different goals.

Don’t you see how ugly you have become?
Your face is mangled and distorted
If only you could see it under the right light
With the right instrument
You’d be able to see how damaged you are
And that maybe you are not as great as you think
But deep down I suspect you already know that
As you bark out your stale beliefs
Declaring of your greatness while high on drugs
Trying to make me guess how much you earn.

I hope one day you will sober up
And your voice will go quiet
So you can finally hear the inner voice 
That you have tried to drown out all these years
And you will discover how poor you really are
As you face that Monday morning mirror
On another comedown at work
Back to your life that you need to escape from
As the truth weighs down on you,

That you’re a bad person.

poetry

Round Twelve

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~ Round Twelve ~

Beaten
Punched out
On the canvas
Life hitting harder than ever
And you fight to get up again
But this time, the thousandth time,
You finally begin to feel the futility
As you think back to all the struggle
The seeming eternity of this constant battle
As the crowd stands watching
And you contemplate finally succumbing
Letting yourself fade away under the lights
Feeling the heaviness of your heart
Battered and bruised
But, somehow, still beating its blood
That life force still flowing through you
As you take a deep breath
And feel a new surge of energy
That makes you stand once again to your feet
Delirious and even crazier than before
Not the same person anymore
Worn down, reshaped
And doing whatever it takes
To stay in the fight
And find some strength from somewhere
As you move forward back into it
To face the punches
Once again.

poetry

~ Light Seeking ~

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~ Light Seeking ~

Cutting me apart
This life drives daggers into me
And out pours all the essence
To collect in puddles at my feet
I walk on, not knowing
Where I am going
Or if I’ll have enough to make it
Through this brute of a world.

I didn’t come here for this
But something inside says
There is a way through
Past the days of pain
The periods of emptiness
Those few shining moments
Sun rays through the rain clouds
As everything pauses to remind me
There is beauty there
Immense light and divinity
And that those things exist within me too.

But for now the rain falls hard
And I wander onwards
Holding onto the feeling that
One day the clouds will fully dissolve
And this whole world will illuminate
As all the grand illusions dissipate
And finally I’ll see this life for what it really is
And feel it for what it really is
As the sunshine drenches me
And life is good and complete
And I laugh with a ferocious, awaited joy.

poetry

~ What I Want ~

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~ What I Want ~

Standing in a room alone
Occupying this space with my thoughts
I want the whole world in here with me
To know what this feeling is like
And see if there are others feeling this too.

At the same time I want to be taking off
Leaving this earth behind as I ascend above
This vast universe opening itself up for me
As I get lost with no way of coming back
Sailing forever among a sea of stars
Where my soul will feel something
That only infinity can evoke.

I’m a mystery to myself
Some days I think I know what I want
That I am settled upon this earth
But other days I’m left feeling something
That cannot be accurately said
But only felt deep within
As my eyes stare into the skies
And my heart aches for something
Not available in these surroundings.

I guess I’m not the only one
Haunted by indescribable feelings
Looking at what is in front of me
And deducing that it isn’t enough.

Like every great dreamer,
My bones long to dance in some forbidden place
The greatest and grandest of palaces
Which can’t be found with sane eyes.

I want to delve into the deepest caves
And find the gold which has never been seen.

I want to experience the totality of the galaxies
As my soul is set alight
By the essence of existence.

Bricks and mortar isn’t enough.
Weekend revelry isn’t enough.
Those items advertised to me on TV
Aren’t enough.

The incompletion is true,
And I want to find what perhaps
Every one of us secretly yearns for
That something that fills the soul with light
That causes death to become laughable
And finally satisfies the eternal ache for the ineffable
That exists in us all.

poetry

~ A Loss of Fire ~

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~ A Loss of Fire ~

Maybe I’m just dry of inspiration
Or maybe what I feared is finally happening:
My soul is slowly starting to die
As I begin to somehow fit into this world
A little more smoothly
And the sentences that leave my mouth
Are a little more normal.

I always wondered if the day would come
Where that fire inside would dwindle
Before finally flickering out.

To other’s eyes I would probably seemed fixed
There would be no more rage
No more snarling or biting
The monkey finally off my back.

But inside I would be missing something
No expression existing anymore
No madness keeping me awake at night
No need to run off into the forest fires.

A stable mind without the need to write poetry
Is probably what constitutes most happy minds.

But having tasted the magic
How could this life ever be as glorious
As it was when I was young and full of heartache
Hanging onto words to stop myself
From going insane.

How could this life ever be as glorious
For when I fought my way through hell
As my inner song rang out
Of every part of my body.

Yes, a part of me says
I’m not sure I want to be straightened out
Or mentally stable
A speaker of sane words.

Stability is a dull ride
And I’d rather my spirit soar
And the wheels on my vehicle burst into flames
As I keep on racing towards an unreachable horizon.

I’d rather awaken in strange places
With my body battered
But my soul laughing 
At surviving yet another storm.

I’d rather stand under a night sky
Haunted and confused
While feeling a sense of wonder
That only sadness can evoke.

Yes, the day these words finally end
And I don’t even feel the burning desire
I’ll know that I’ll have finally let the fire be snuffed out
And this life will never give me
The same heat again.

poetry

~ After the Storm ~

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~ After the Storm ~

And here I am stand on the shore
Drying out in the sun
I’ve found my way through the storm
Back into the gentle light
Of peace and tranquillity.

I fought through the violent waves
And felt my soul being drowned
I contemplated what it was to go
Letting myself be consumed
And pulled into the abyss.

The monsters encircled
The light dwindled
And my mind dissipated 
But something within me knew
That I’d find my way back
Emerging like the dawn light on the ocean
To see this world awakening again
As blue skies burst with potential.

This is the story of a survivor
Standing on the shores of salvation
Laughing at the passing of the storm
At the seasick joy in his heart
And the footprints in the sand
Disappearing in the waves
As the transience of the tide
Creates a blank canvass
To begin beautifully
Again.

thoughts

~ Embracing the Touch ~

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“Didn’t you dream of things once? Something more than what your life has become? Didn’t you dream that every day would be an adventure, that your life would have stories to tell, and that your eyes would show the light of life? Have you slipped into a slumber of the self? Have you shied away from the light outside your cave? There is more to this existence than sinking into a lifestyle which does not serve the essence of your soul. And every person can keep that magic something still growing inside them, despite their perceived circumstances. Life’s tender touch waits for you and you can choose to embrace it; to trust in yourself and find the thing that can shake your world alive. Put on those boots and tread the path you have feared to take. Put your pen to life’s paper and create something that has never been created before. Stand up onto your stage and find that song that has stayed silent for too long. This is it. It’s always here and always will be. Life will not turn its back on you even if you’ve turned your back on it. The beauty of being waits with welcome arms to carry you home to the person you have always desired to be.”

thoughts

~ Begin Again ~

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I put the book in the backpack even though I know I’m not going to read it. I’m just going to end up scrolling on my phone again, stuffing my brain full of useless crap. I’m becoming everything I ever hated. I don’t see the sunshine on the water because my mind is elsewhere. I don’t feel the cosmos flowing through my veins because I’ve numbed myself with alcohol and hangovers. I know the path to peace and happiness; I’ve followed it before. Yet I choose to walk away from the light and become a troubled being like the others. Maybe I’m choosing to do this for a reason. Maybe the pain I’m causing myself will turn to blazing light in a heavenly future. I don’t know to be honest. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I don’t know why I put the book in the backpack even though I know I’m not going to read it. I don’t know why I have those extra drinks at the end of a night out. I don’t know why I’m opening up my phone again, looking at things I don’t even care about. Oh, how the birds sing around me to remind me of what it is to be alive. Oh, how the light tempts me to throw the phone into the river, to detach from this matrix and plug into reality. I pull the book from the backpack. The pages flicker through my hand. I begin reading. I begin again.

thoughts

~ The Victory of Myself ~

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~ The Victory of Myself ~

“It would be fair to say that much of my life was a war. ‘Growing pains’ was perhaps putting it too mildly. I spent many years staggering through the battlefields of tempestuous experience. I grappled with my demons, crawled through the swamps of depression, and was shaken by anger and self-hatred. It took many years but one day a ceasefire was finally called. The bloodshed stopped as peace fell over me. Still in the moment, I felt myself let out a cathartic gasp of breath. A clarity filled my mind as I looked back at the past versions of myself. I saw myself teary-eyed at twenty-two, alone and heartbroken in foreign lands. I saw myself collapsing in a field at twenty-five and wanting the ground to swallow me whole. I saw myself consumed with despair and self-pity at the age of twenty-eight. I saw all these wounded versions of myself and wanted to let them know that they would eventually make it through and be okay. Time was going to do its thing and straighten everything out. It was even going to enrich and enlighten. For to stand here now and know that I still have this precious life force still beating within me – like a baby found among the rubble, or a flower growing on a bloody battlefield – tells me there is some divine, everlasting strength within my flesh and bones. And to now wake up each day and feel the light run through my veins and the smiles form on my face – it’s enough to allow me to finally see life for the beautiful thing it is. It is not something you marched or battled through, but rather something to be cherished and enjoyed. There is no great conflict anymore and I’m happy just being myself and living my life while knowing a victory as great as one could possibly know: the victory of myself.”