Tag: writer

poetry

~ A Damaged Man, But An Honest One ~

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~ A Damaged Man, But An Honest One ~

For the first time ever
I have to think about what I’m writing
I normally just threw words out into the world
With flippant disregard
For what anyone thinks of it
But now I have a girlfriend
And my girlfriend has parents
Who take a strong interest in her affairs
Which naturally includes me….

Her mum is following my blog
So she sees all the things I write
My poems of destruction and darkness
And, I assume, makes opinions of me from them.

Freedom is essential to expression
And what is a writer to do
When he feels self-conscious
And even constricted
About the words he is writing.

The way I see it:
She is probably going to read this poem at some point
But I just have to accept that I’ve started down this path
There’s no turning back
There’s no quelling my voice
No shielding people from the savage truth
That runs rampant in my heart.

I’ve started so I’m going finish
And keep on sharing my words
Bellowing out the secrets of my soul
On this megaphone
Like a crazy preacher
In a city centre square.

Yes, I’m not a straight-edged person
I’m not a poster boy partner
But I am a human-being
Who is in touch with his core
And I speak with total authority
About my experiences.

My life hasn’t been a smooth ride
I’ve been on a turbulent journey
Searching this world for purpose
While finding trouble along the way.

I’ve veered close to death and madness
And broken my heart a few times
But I’ve also found inner peace
And developed a sense of self-understanding
That has inspired me to put my defences down
And open my heart to the world
To share my story.

This is who I am; this is what I do.
I will never hide or edit my feelings
Or write poems to be read out at social events
Or to impress bosses or in-laws.

My words are bloody and uncivilised
They may make some people uncomfortable
And perhaps make them see me in a new light
Not always a favourable one.

But doing this gives me something
That purifies, invigorates
And keeps me living a life
Of personal truth
And freedom.

So here I am:
A damaged man
But an honest one
Who has decided
He’ll keep on writing
And showing his scarred face
While being unashamedly
And unapologetically
Himself.

poetry

~ The Great Dance ~

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~ The Great Dance ~

It comes from somewhere
I know not where
But this voice inside me
Sings some universal spirit
Channelling the cosmos
As I pour words onto pages
And feel the fire of the stars
Burning in my fingertips
While looking around me
Watching the birds fly in a sunset sky

Somehow they, too, are apart of what’s happening
All this nature working together
Like one giant organism
Those sparrow wings fluttering
Those clouds drifting in the sky
Those waves crashing on shorelines

It’s all working together in some complete way
And I surrender myself to this harmony
Knowing it is not me writing anymore
There is no conscious creator
It’s just the universal flow
That causes everything bright and beautiful
Like those immense patterns of colour
Just as that sun begins to hit the horizon
And ignites the sky into a fiery red
While the song of the birds rings out
And I imagine some native tribe singing
Somewhere in some distant land
On the other side of the ocean
Everyone singing in unison
Dancing with their naked feet
Upon this earth.

This is the great law of energy
And accept this poem as person singing
As another ocean wave crashing
As another bird flapping its wings
As another cloud drifting in the sky
And then continue on your own day
And join in the cosmic dance.

You, too, are apart of this.

poetry

~ Shackles Rusting ~

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~ Shackles Rusting ~

There are days when you dream of escape
Days when you look up to the grand sky above
And think about breaking out of this jail
To explore the hidden beyond
That lies out of reach
Just like the feeling of completion
That your soul yearns for
In this trivial place.

There are days when you dream of escape
When you think about taking off the mask
Stepping off the stage and throwing open the back door
Out you’ll walk into a new day – natural light finally on your face
No longer the puppet in the artificial place
Pandering to the crowd in some performance.

You’ll let go of everything in your life that doesn’t fulfil you
You’ll take only what you need as you begin your new voyage
Towards the distant lands of some destiny you had forgotten
The sort of place your bones longed to be in when you were a kid.

There are days when you dream of escape
And on those days you feel an importance
For you are feeling something within which is real
A deep cosmic force pulsating through your flesh
That tugs at the strings of the soul
Telling you where you need to go
And what you need to do.

Just like the birds in that sky flying southward
And the fish swimming up stream
You will be in tune with universal nature
Following that ineffable feeling
Hiking your way toward the horizon
And finding the oasis of life
Where you belong standing free
Living your truest life
As your shackles are finally left rusting 
Along the way.

poetry

~ Doubt ~

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~ Doubt ~

Not so sure anymore
Of myself
And everything I thought
To be true.

I guess we all go through this
So sure of everything
Then life blows us away
To a new place
Where we don’t recognise
Much at all.

I search for the sight of something
That speaks to my confused soul
The same thing I’ve always done
On this strange journey of mine.

I don’t know how to do this life too well at all
Plans and positions are not for me
My best efforts are often not enough
And I can’t seem to see things through.

I’m a malfunctioning machine
That shouldn’t have been manufactured
I’m a disorientated pilgrim
Wandering in a desert.

No chance it seems to ever straighten myself out
And have some final clarity about it all.

But still,
Something within demands an answer
And like a lost animal
I crawl forward to it

But I only move in circles
Returning to the same old place
Of tiredness and confusion.

That confusion grows
Life seems like a dream
My eyes look up to the sky
A sad wonder fills my head.

thoughts

~ Embracing the Touch ~

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“Didn’t you dream of things once? Something more than what your life has become? Didn’t you dream that every day would be an adventure, that your life would have stories to tell, and that your eyes would show the light of life? Have you slipped into a slumber of the self? Have you shied away from the light outside your cave? There is more to this existence than sinking into a lifestyle which does not serve the essence of your soul. And every person can keep that magic something still growing inside them, despite their perceived circumstances. Life’s tender touch waits for you and you can choose to embrace it; to trust in yourself and find the thing that can shake your world alive. Put on those boots and tread the path you have feared to take. Put your pen to life’s paper and create something that has never been created before. Stand up onto your stage and find that song that has stayed silent for too long. This is it. It’s always here and always will be. Life will not turn its back on you even if you’ve turned your back on it. The beauty of being waits with welcome arms to carry you home to the person you have always desired to be.”

thoughts

~ Begin Again ~

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I put the book in the backpack even though I know I’m not going to read it. I’m just going to end up scrolling on my phone again, stuffing my brain full of useless crap. I’m becoming everything I ever hated. I don’t see the sunshine on the water because my mind is elsewhere. I don’t feel the cosmos flowing through my veins because I’ve numbed myself with alcohol and hangovers. I know the path to peace and happiness; I’ve followed it before. Yet I choose to walk away from the light and become a troubled being like the others. Maybe I’m choosing to do this for a reason. Maybe the pain I’m causing myself will turn to blazing light in a heavenly future. I don’t know to be honest. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I don’t know why I put the book in the backpack even though I know I’m not going to read it. I don’t know why I have those extra drinks at the end of a night out. I don’t know why I’m opening up my phone again, looking at things I don’t even care about. Oh, how the birds sing around me to remind me of what it is to be alive. Oh, how the light tempts me to throw the phone into the river, to detach from this matrix and plug into reality. I pull the book from the backpack. The pages flicker through my hand. I begin reading. I begin again.

poetry

~ Untitled ~

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~ Untitled ~

Nope;
I’m not going to force it
And pretend I’m feeling something I’m not
I’m just gonna talk about what I see, before me:

It’s a late-spring evening outside my window
The blossom on the trees has come and gone
And now what is left are bright green leaves
Waiting for the sunlight of the summer months.

They wait as they sway back and forth in the wind
And I, too, feel the breath of the world in my lungs
As my elbows rest on the hard wood of my table
While writing down these words one by one.

What is coming tomorrow?
I really don’t know
I have no plans, no job,
Nothing much going on at all.

I’m currently living on government benefit
Going on long walks along the river
Searching supermarkets for reduced food
And browsing the internet for hours a day

I do have a job to go back to next month
But for now it’s just the job of existing
Breathing the air, eating the food
Falling asleep for eight hours every night

It’s a job I’m at least competent at
And look, I even find other ways to exist:
Such as writing poems
And philosophising
As I stare out of windows
Watching my life breeze by
With no particular meaning.

poetry

~ Daft Daydreamer Delusions ~

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~ Daft Daydreamer Delusions ~

Some days I dream about solitude
About becoming some sort of hermit
Residing in a cave of my own making
Meditating for hours each day
Living off the bare essentials
Exploring my inner world.

Some days I dream about going away
To a place where sanity is banished
And all the logic and reason of the world
Is permanently banned.

Some days I dream about holding on
To my character and soul
And not letting this world rearrange me
Just to see how I turn out:
A madman or a poet.

Many men dream of taking chances
And perhaps there is no greater risk
Than following your own inner voice
When it tells you to leave the farm
Of regulated normality.

A part of me yearns to leap
Into that untamed wilderness
But reality stares at me menacingly
Snapping its teeth and licking its lips
Daring me to venture out beyond those fences.

Thoughts of starvation hound me again
So I guess I’ll just keep on doing what I can
Finding my way on this safe farm
Earning money, paying bills
Sitting on sofas and staring into space
The days slowly disappearing
As these daft daydreamer delusions
Drift on through my mind.

poetry

~ Taking it Easy ~

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~ Taking it Easy ~

Still never had a proper job
Now in my thirties
I think about how I’ve made it to here
Whilst travelling the world and hardly working
And only earning peanuts when I did.

I’ve taken part in paid medical trials
Which has undoubtedly been the main way
I’ve managed to avoid the rat race.

I’ve also lived frugally.
I only ever owned a few clothes at a time
I never drove or even learned to drive
I was careful and stubborn with my money
Apart from on nights-out
When that all went out the window.

I’ve used student loans
Both for my Bachelors
And another one for my Masters
Which I quit after three weeks
To go travelling in Central America.

Actually, when I think about
I haven’t worked more than six months in a year
In the last seven years now.
Quite the achievement,
If I dare say so myself. 

My friend Bryan says I’m a walking insult
To the hard-working people
Who constantly toil in their careers
Chasing promotions and paychecks
Success and social status.

I’ve not cheated the system or anything
I simply made some choices not to play the game
You just don’t need to own your own property
Or drive a nice car
Or have a full wardrobe
Or eat out at fancy restaurants
Or buy your coffee from Starbucks.

Saving for my next backpacking adventure
Taught me to be brutal with my spending
Buying only what I needed to survive
And through this frugal and minimalistic lifestyle
I actually discovered that you didn’t need much
To be happy, at all.

Yes, it’s a cliche, but a true one.
Just sit and meditate.
Breathe in and out.
Keep active.
Eat reasonably well.
Practise your passion.

Slowly you realise that it’s all a big con
Happiness is available to you whenever you allow it
Just let the solitude and silence teach you
And gently remove the veil of illusion
That is pulled over everyone’s eyes.

Yes, it’s hard to go out and get a ‘proper job’
And join the rat race after you learn these things
But once you’re happy being a loser by society’s standards
You simply don’t care about anyone’s opinion.

You just sit back, write your poetry,
Stare at the birds flapping their wings
As they nestle in the trees.
Like you, they know that there’s nothing to chase
Only something to be cherished.

Life is not a problem to be solved
But a reality to be experienced.

Some great philosopher said that
And you know,
As I take another sip of this wine,
I do have to say that I wholeheartedly agree.

Cheers to that.

poetry

~ Right Where I Belong ~

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~ Right Where I Belong ~

Smelling the grass and the flowers
Lying in this field of contentment
There is no rush to be anywhere 
I’m happy to just lie down
And let this life wash over me.

Other things I could be doing
Productive things, they like to say
Well, it all comes back to this anyway
The purpose of being will always be here
As everyone runs toward some illusionary goal.

To be miserable in a mansion
To be depressed with diamonds
To be sick with success
And lonely in the crowd

It’s clear to me that where life is
Is nowhere else but nature
And this joy is found
At the root source
Of everything worth doing.

I grew from the dirt of this earth
Like a flower of circumstance
And it is when I am surrounded
By all of this beauty
That I finally feel in touch
With my true essence

Let my dreams burst
And my thoughts bloom
And my happiness blossom
And please, do not think of me as lost

Like the lone eagle in the sky,

I am right where I belong.