~ A Damaged Man, But An Honest One ~

~ A Damaged Man, But An Honest One ~

For the first time ever
I have to think about what I’m writing
I normally just threw words out into the world
With flippant disregard
For what anyone thinks of it
But now I have a girlfriend
And my girlfriend has parents
Who take a strong interest in her affairs
Which naturally includes me….

Her mum is following my blog
So she sees all the things I write
My poems of destruction and darkness
And, I assume, makes opinions of me from them.

Freedom is essential to expression
And what is a writer to do
When he feels self-conscious
And even constricted
About the words he is writing.

The way I see it:
She is probably going to read this poem at some point
But I just have to accept that I’ve started down this path
There’s no turning back
There’s no quelling my voice
No shielding people from the savage truth
That runs rampant in my heart.

I’ve started so I’m going finish
And keep on sharing my words
Bellowing out the secrets of my soul
On this megaphone
Like a crazy preacher
In a city centre square.

Yes, I’m not a straight-edged person
I’m not a poster boy partner
But I am a human-being
Who is in touch with his core
And I speak with total authority
About my experiences.

My life hasn’t been a smooth ride
I’ve been on a turbulent journey
Searching this world for purpose
While finding trouble along the way.

I’ve veered close to death and madness
And broken my heart a few times
But I’ve also found inner peace
And developed a sense of self-understanding
That has inspired me to put my defences down
And open my heart to the world
To share my story.

This is who I am; this is what I do.
I will never hide or edit my feelings
Or write poems to be read out at social events
Or to impress bosses or in-laws.

My words are bloody and uncivilised
They may make some people uncomfortable
And perhaps make them see me in a new light
Not always a favourable one.

But doing this gives me something
That purifies, invigorates
And keeps me living a life
Of personal truth
And freedom.

So here I am:
A damaged man
But an honest one
Who has decided
He’ll keep on writing
And showing his scarred face
While being unashamedly
And unapologetically
Himself.