thoughts

~ Cave Dwelling ~

~ Cave Dwelling ~

“Too often I stared into that mirror and felt pitiful and pathetic. That reflection showed me the things I didn’t want to face. I was a gollum, a wretch, a creature belonging to a cave. I had some dirt in my soul I couldn’t get out, but just try to scrub out in futility. I thought I deserved love, but I was sensitive in a world where the cold-hearted were the majority. I had to hide away; to hide myself far away from their piercing eyes. I retreated to the dark spaces to try and survive on the scraps of whatever strength I have left. Within those shadows, I resided myself to a life of loneliness and isolation. I came to realise that some of us are not destined to have inner peace and happiness; we are the broken ones, the lonely, the castouts, the rejects. We are ones that just do not belong to any heart or home. Our lives are ones of tragedy and heartache; of despair and desolation. And yet through all of this, light sometimes finds its way into my cave, offering glimpses of hope for me to crawl out too. The idea that one day I’ll stand back in the daylight; no longer locked away in the darkness, but standing strong and free and accepted for who I am. Finally escaping this internal prison. Finally being free of this living hell.”

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thoughts

~ Apparitions ~

~ Apparitions ~

“Girl, I was always a bit of a solitary soul, but for a second there I saw this thing with you. To wake up on Sunday mornings with the light coming through the window. To caress the skin on your cheek as you smile with contentment. To know that I have another day by your side as my eyes open and for everything to be okay, if only for that day. I saw this thing with you. Some call it the normal life I guess. To stroll through parks hand in hand; to make love in an evening haze; to smell the scent on your neck and to not have to look anywhere else because all that I desire is there right in front of me. I saw this thing with you – this thing I now know is not gonna come. I have held you in my arms and because of that I have held happiness in my arms – that foreign thing, that strange concept. I would have given you everything of me. I would have thrown myself to your wolves, drowned myself in your sea, got lost in your forest. Yet we want different things; so it must be that we drift like ripples on the surface of water, and go separate ways. But you will always stay with me, like the other ghosts that linger inside me, those apparitions of happiness that haunt the hallways of my mind. Apparitions of something I can only see and not touch. Apparitions of another lover lost, another path not taken, another happiness not felt.”

not felt

thoughts

~ A Stagger Through the Storm ~

~ A Stagger Through the Storm ~

“Never understood, never valued, my gifts wasted and unappreciated, a part of a system which had no place for me. It is only inevitable I am the way I am. Don’t think for one second you can judge me; you have no idea what I have been through to still be standing here today. For many, society is an easy fix; for others it is a horrible nightmare, that leaves you battling your whole life to not go insane. I guess I am one of the latter. Late at night, I have stared at ceilings thinking how I would make it through one more year. The sheer amount of effort at trying to fit in and survive in this world drains me; I’d rather sit alone before a keyboard and pour out all this pain inside my heart. Isolation fills my soul, but I do believe there is a place possible that would leave me happy with connection to others, but for now, in this current system of living, that is but a distant dream. I look in that mirror and know that my life will not be one of sanity and order; of peace and happiness. It will be a stagger through the storm, a crawl through the swamp, a ceaseless fight towards something perpetually out of reach – a state of happiness that will elude me for as long as I am who I am.”

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thoughts

~ Living Boldly ~

~ Living Boldly ~

“Go on. Do it. Refuse to be anyone but yourself. Don’t play their games and don’t dance to their beat. Be the one who does not chip off pieces of themself to fit into the crowd; the one who does not abandon their soul’s calling to ‘get real’. The world is full of people like that who are living lives that have been lived billions of times already. Their lives are going to be lived billions of times again. The sentences they speak will be spoken word for word throughout the centuries to come. Dare to bring something new to the table. All you really have to do is be yourself; it is the most simple thing in the world, yet we live in a world that has somehow made it incredibly rare to witness. The sight of true individuality is ever increasingly hard to find, and that is why we need the people not afraid to stand alone to inspire others to do the same. Show them all the glory of what it is to live the life that your soul cries out for, not the one you’re expected to. The life that fills your heart with joy and your mind with fire. The life that is original, bold, brave and most of all: completely true to the person living it.”

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thoughts

~ Words for the Darkness ~

~ Words for the Darkness ~

“Some days the world hits you a little harder when you walk out that front door. Some days you stand on those streets and don’t know which way to turn. Some days the sadness surrounds like a flock of ravens, the words of family and friends can’t help you, and you feel your whole world fade into greyness. We all go through times when the despair and desolation fill our hearts. One thing is certain in life is that we will all spend time in the shadows every now and again. But one thing that will keep us marching through that darkness is the knowledge that new dawns will come, worries will fade – our worlds will light up once again in vivid colour. The energy of the universe is perennial and all around us we witness the glory of things beating the darkness. The dawning sun, the spring flowers, the stars shimmering in the night sky. Your true state at all moments is one of infinite bliss, ready to burst back into life. So don’t be afraid of the dark; it’s merely the canvas upon which the light waits to leave its mark.”

words for the darkness

thoughts

~ Letting Go ~

~ Letting Go ~

“Sometimes it’s not a person or thing that saves us. It’s not clinging on to a ledge in fear or running for the hills. Sometimes the thing that saves us is simply letting go – of having the courage to abandon whatever it is that we know is not meant for us. So many out there have been emptied out by allowing themselves to clutch onto things that were corrosive to their own being. Usually it is done out of fear of facing the unknown. People will continue living lives that slowly degrade and destroy them because the thought of leaving what they know was all too much. It is a decision that leaves people haunted by what could have been; sometimes it is even a decision that is a form of spiritual suicide. The price of fearfully clinging onto things can cost you dearly, and knowing when it’s okay to abandon things that do not speak to your soul is essential to the evolution of yourself.  So, if every ounce of your being knows it’s not for you, then go on and do it. Summon up some courage. Lose your grip. Embrace the new and unknown. Do not cling to a broken boat as it sinks into the abyss; let go from the wreckage and learn how to swim.”

woman field

thoughts

~ A Scarred Beauty ~

~ A Scarred Beauty ~

“The journey of your life has been a testing one and as the years keep falling by, your heart is filled with a little more pain, that spirit doesn’t quite soar like it used to, the strength sometimes a little hard to find. You have fought hard all your life in a world that didn’t understand you; in a world that never had the guts to embrace your essence. Your path has led you through many places and now you look back you have left pieces of yourself on the way. On the shorelines where you dreamed of sailing home; on those mountain paths where you searched inside yourself; in those dark rooms where you tried to summon the strength to face another day. And you kept moving because it was the only thing you knew how to do; you kept moving because there was something that called you to a place you might have been able to call home. All these fights now weigh heavy on your soul, but may you keep your strength until the end of your road. From the greatest rains blossom the brightest flowers. And one day this world will stand in awe and marvel at the beauty of you.”

man ocean

thoughts

~ Embracing the Gift ~

~ Embracing the Gift ~

“Stumbling and staggering down the streets of life, staring into skies and spaces – into the eyes of pretty girls passing me by. My mind always entertained the same question. Was there a home out there for me? In this society? Inside the heart of another? The more I interacted with the others, the more I felt that the answer was a resounding no. There was something that would just not grant me the same peace that came so easily to others. My mind was corrupted by a strange madness; my heart possessed by a wild force. I lived a life of constant isolation and separation. I observed the world around me as a spectator, never feeling like I truly belonged to something or anything. The disconnection weighed heavy and whenever it all became too much, I retreated to the spaces beyond the borders. The woods. The fields. The streams and solitary spaces. It was out there in that nature where my courage returned. The mystery and magic of the natural universe was like a drug to me. Seeing something as simple as a singular leaf dance in the breeze or the ripples skate their way across the pond surface gave me enormous strength. Then there were the twisted patterns of tree branches. The smoky transience of cloud formations above. Even the birds’ songs told me something important that I could sustain myself with. Life itself was profoundly beautiful and worth living, and although a few times I had considered the alternative, I knew it was a foolish throwing away of the gift I had been gifted.”

man hiking

thoughts

~ A Writer’s Path ~

~ A Writer’s Path ~

“I took a few wrong turns, made some bad decisions, got lost along the way. But I look back now and realise it was the totality of those things which eventually led me home. I am living proof that fearlessly following your heart will eventually take you to where you need to be. My words come from that soul-searching wilderness; of walking alone through dangerous places with only my heart to guide me. It hasn’t been easy, and yes – there were some troubles along the way – but I now feel a completion in my soul that eluded me for so long. That completion has come after finally making it to the place I always knew I belonged. This is the linear way of life. We can only live it in one direction and our journeys usually only make sense when we look back upon them. Our lives are the culmination of many twists and turns, ones which leave marks upon us which we end up treasuring. It’s those scars and scratches which tell our story. It’s those cuts and bruises which make us the people we are. And it is our pain and our mistakes which eventually lead us to the lands which make our hearts sing and our pens dance.”

man writing

thoughts

~ A Message to Writers ~

pen

~ A Message to Writers ~

Well, it’s true I guess. Most people can’t write an honest sentence to save their lives. They project themselves onto the blank page the same way as they project themselves into the world. There’s a certain fear, a filter, which hinders them from truly expressing themselves from their heart. Instead, they offer well-tidied words in pretty fonts; little flicks and tricks of the pen that give the appearance of self-expression, but are as contrived as the pop stars who sing songs written for them. Many are fooled by these pretend poets – these Rupi Kaurs of the world – but look closely and you will find that their words lack any real blood and substance. That substance is all we ask for when we read a writer’s work. Hemingway said it himself: “there is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed”. Sounds so simple, but it is still so very rare to find writers that have shown us every last bit of emotion – every last dirty thing they would be ashamed to admit. The sheer amount of pain that fills the average human heart should mean that there are millions of potentially great writers out there. Yet, the world is full of writers who have been afraid to truly take off the mask and show the world every last detail of their blood and guts. If you are one of the ones crazy enough to live without a filter, then keep writing and keep getting the shit kicked out of you by the world for simply being yourself. Living a life with your heart wide open will definitely leave you bruised and beaten, but it will also allow you to create more authentically than those who keep their defences up. This is the secret. True writing comes from pain. It comes from sitting at a keyboard late at night as the world stands against you. It comes from having to write the words down to stop the demons from closing in. It’s a crazy way to be and good luck to anyone else who has this curse cast upon them.

“Writers are desperate people, and when they stop being desperate, they stop being writers.” – Charles Bukowski