In my arms, I hold you And feel the fire of all the stars Burning in my heart And igniting my soul
This universe has created great things: Exploding nebulas, oceanic planets The rings of Saturn Glittering galaxies
And it also created you.
It created something as perfect And precious As you.
The way you feel in my arms Your body beating and breathing Is like the whole thing doing its magic An entire universe that came into being For the existence of you.
It could never have been any other way It was always meant to happen And as your eyes look up into mine As your cheeks glow as you smile I become a believer Of something I can only feel But not explain.
My bones like bare branches Shake and shiver in the wind That runs through my body
This internal winter is howling As the wolves encircle me As the frost forms upon my leaves As mountainous horizons surround me
It seems like spring isn’t coming Maybe it doesn’t happen anymore
To go on and endure Is now all that I can do Searching for some warmth in the wilderness To sustain this soul
Oh, what this life can do to a person To leave them wandering in a space Where the kindest eyes can’t see And loving words not reach.
I’m not dead But I’m stuck somewhere Where the moonlight doesn’t inspire me Where music doesn’t resonate And even this poetry Doesn’t do much anymore.
There is nothing to do but wait And look for signs of life Some sunlight coming forth From the clouds of discontent To burst the buds from my branches And thaw out my frozen spirit That sits waiting for the touch Of something it has almost Forgotten.
Into your eyes, I fall Hurtling through space Out there beyond the ether of my ordinary reality There is no connection to ground control No light to guide me back safely.
Into your eyes, I fall Forgetting my name My country, my language Whatever the hell it is I’m supposed to be.
Into your eyes, I fall And become a drunken sailor Out on some endless ocean Where the waves leave me seasick With the thought of ever losing you.
Into your eyes, I fall And feel myself become someone Who stares at the sky And birds sat on branches While feeling some kind of magic.
It’s a crazy thing And the sensible thing to do Would be to look away And not keep getting lost In this strange and surreal dream.
But the dream is just too good So into your eyes, I fall And imagine future days With you by my side.
Into your eyes, I fall And feel myself become apart Of something larger than myself.
Into your eyes, I fall And feel my walls Come crashing down.
And into your eyes, I fall To accept that I won’t be The same person Anymore.
Here she is, finally Standing before me Something I only ever dreamt of In some deluded way During times of darkness And defeat.
A quiet humbleness comes over me Like standing before a natural force With a depth and beauty I just can’t understand.
I always felt about the age of thirty I’d stop my rampage And meet the woman Who would finally straighten me out.
Dylan called it ‘shelter from the storm’ And it certainly feels that way As the warmth of her Causes puddles of pain To form at my feet.
In the morning I lie with her in bed Her dog lays beside it His head rested on the carpet Eyes staring up at me With a knowing look of recognition.
I say goodbye, kiss her Walk out into the day And suddenly things are different The little things don’t matter Trivial troubles are nothing.
I smile and say hello to the people I pass I hold the shop door open for the person behind me Everything is okay; Life is not so bad after all.
I know that this feeling probably won’t last But for now, it’s enough To know that a single soul can shine so brightly Like sunlight coming through the forest canopy Breathing life into my world Blooming my flowers Turning me into a dreamer
And if this is just another delusion Then let me stay deluded For my world has never looked so good Now that I know She’s in it.
Like a seabird in oily water Or a turtle stuck in plastic I want to rise up from this mess And break free from this muck That the world has poured onto me
I know these wings can flap I know my soul can sing And that my spirit can soar Into skies of light and life
But here I am: Caught like the rest Cemented down and Starved of something essential
I have become like so many on these streets Trapped in an unfulfilling life Weighed down by something silent No longer hunting what is mine Or doing what comes natural
Now I sit in traffic jams And stare at electronic screens Now I collect my prey in plastic Packaged for me on supermarket shelves
Now getting out of bed in the morning Seems like a pointless task. And my greatest endeavour Is buying discounted food.
God, give me some wilderness once more Give me the sunlight rising over the mountains Give me the sound of rain on the forest canopy Give me the eagle circling high above the canyon
Just give me something pure And untamed To awaken my soul Loosen my shackles And bring me back home To myself.
I wanna write from a place where no one else has been before I want to pour forth new truths that could have only come from me I don’t have time for words that don’t mean anything I’m not here to put down more scripted sentences
I’m here to speak my truth To scream and shout And share something in my soul That little bit of unique fire burning Only the way it can within me
It is fueled by all my pains and mistakes By all my victories and defeats And I want it to blaze bright Showing the light Of all my life has been
Well, I guess this is it: Thirty-one-years-old All grown now Fully-developed The soul-searching done I know who I am. The result is in
And what is it that I am?
It’s not a lot. It’s not a lot at all.
No useful skills No place of belonging No way of living sustainably No chance of mental stability
It’s nothing but chaos Frequent episodes of insanity And spells of disillusionment That leave me holding onto the rails As life’s hurricane rips me apart
It’s not some momentary feeling I’ve lived enough years now to know That I’m always gonna be this way Shifting from one crisis to the next From one battle to the next From one bender to the next
Yes, periods of peace shall occasionally arrive There will be moments of contentment Even times when I feel happy to be alive
But they won’t last long. They won’t last long at all.
Because I know who I am now. I’ve lived the years and walked the walk And this is what I’ll have to deal with: Some sort of malfunctioning mistake Stumbling and staggering along Fighting to survive.
I guess the first thing I should do is accept it But I can’t help but feel Disappointed, dejected And even angry inside
This isn’t how it should be.
I wanted to live life Not deal with it Or cope with it Or find ‘a way to get by’
Still falling in love with it all These days it’s getting worse The twinkling lights in her eyes The birds flying in the dawn sky And the reflection on the water
Maybe it’s me getting older But I can feel myself evening out Experiencing some sort of contentment As I stare into those pupils Into the universe of her soul Letting myself feel some joy As the despair drifts away.
I never believed in angels But sometimes it’s hard not to At least see where the idea came from Like in those good moments Watching her smile as she awakens The light coming through the window Another day stirring like A quiet happiness in my heart.
I have dwelled in the darkness Been haunted by strange voices Hunted by demonic creatures Loomed over by the vultures
And that is how I know the light When I see it
That is how I know She’s the one To throw open the curtains And finally show me What this life Is about.
Out on the streets, I see them The drunk students partying The skaters flipping their boards The young people doing their thing
It only seems like a couple of years ago That I was one of them Wide-eyed and reckless Careless and confused Excited to be alive
Well now the years have gone by And I approach the age of thirty-one By no means an old age But for some reason, I feel old Older than one should feel at this age Looking at them jovial kids I just can’t help but wonder What has happened to me
Nowadays I don’t dream of something ridiculous Nowadays I’m not bursting with vigour Nowadays I don’t get hurt like I used to I don’t feel the thrill like I used to I don’t chase desires like I used to
A mist has descended; the hunger fades The fire that I thought would roar forever wanes
I guess this is what they call growing up I always knew it would have its downfalls But this total apathy with existence Is something I didn’t quite anticipate.
I know the story: Getting older Losing the spark, Your energy dwindling As the quiet desperation of Middle-age sets in.
Is this what awaits us all? Is this why they say youth is wasted on the young? Is this why we have children? To give ourselves another chance?
Naturally, I consider the alternative: not growing old.
Most say growing old is better than dying young But who can be sure? At the very least, Checking out early feels like a cop-out Although I understand how such weariness Can turn a person toward it.
I can’t keep fading out like this anyway I’ve decided that something needs to change I won’t try to force myself to be young again But something needs shaking up
I’m not hoping for angels or epiphanies Or to feel excitement like I once did Or to dance on dancefloors like I once did Or to flip skateboards like I once did
~ A Voice From The Wild ~ 