~ Live With Courage ~
Live with courage
That’s what I tell myself
As my brain thinks more
About the money in my bank account
Than the joy of doing what I actually want.
It seemed like only yesterday
When I lived with total abandonment
They called me “Reckless Ryan”
Arriving to New Zealand with no money
Sleeping in airport departure lounges
Hitch-hiking around and job hopping
While feeling somehow it would all work out.
But recently, it seems I make decisions
Based on what might happen
In a year or ten.
It’s the dull reality that as you get older
Your brain seeks comfort and predictability
Those common illusions of security
A retirement plan; a rainy day fund
Deposits and digits on a screen
Arbitrary abstractions of reality
That subdue the soul into quietness.
I guess it’s somewhat natural
To think more about the future
When there is less of it.
But the only time I feel that tingling magic
Is when I let those thoughts burn away
With that mischievous fire inside
That has burnt oh so bright
In the best times of my life.
Like when I left university
And flew to South America
Seeking chaos and not a career
Or when I quit a seasonal job on a farm
To hitch-hike to a party town
And live in a house of twenty people.
Well, it seems the more I think about money
The more unhappy I become
So I guess it’s time to overcome
Fear-based decision making
And let the fire burn freely
Once again.
Let the money be spent
Let the plane tickets be booked
And let the precious time be invested
In that which nourishes the spirit
And not the bank account.
Oh, and let me buy myself another beer
In a rooftop bar in Istanbul
While writing this stupid poem
And living with blind, drunken courage
Like the foolish dreamer
I will always be.
